Consolidated Moosilidge

Power of Mooing

A Study Conducted by Lambert Lambert for Consolidated Moosilidge in association with the Department of Cute and Weird and Project Lohengrin.

Introduction

Consolidated Moosilidge is pleased to provide a comprehensive study of the power of mooing on the internet.

Since the early days of the internet, or perhaps even before then, people have mooed. Whether this is due to extreme bovirism1 or just plain Being Silly, it is an interesting fact nonetheless. While conducting this Important Research, we realized there are different lengths of moos which can be found on the internet, the power of which is directly proportional to its size. Yes, in mooing, size does matter. Mooing matters in that it can moove matter. And nobody wants moos used as a weapon.

Let us be perfectly clear: Mooing should never be used as a weapon. It's just immoral and wrong. No part of this study under any circumstances should be used for torture.

For the purposes of this study, Moo Power (MP) can be detected online by the number of "o"s evident in the moo. Capitalization does not matter. It's the length of the moo, not the volume, that counts. MP always starts at 2, otherwise it would just be "mo", which is the sound a cow makes before suddenly being run over by a freight train or something.

Below are findings and any interesting results we found via our Important Research tool, the Google search engine.

MP LEVEL 2-9

There are approximately 19,900,000 results for the traditional and basic MP2 moo. This leads to places such as the MOO printing service and one of Cyriak's delightfully demented animations. There's far too many results here for us to do any in depth research, though we are reassured by the moo.fx javascript library's assertation that size does matter.

A search for MP3 moos gave us 1,100,000 results. The number one result was the Mooo Restaurant (15 Beacon Street, Boston, MA 02108-2902). Looks like a pretty classy place. There's also this animated video:

Moving onward to MP4 moos, we dropped below the 1 million mark to a total of 454,000 results. Here we stumble across Amy Chavez's blog called The Daily Moooo, which focuses on the "Seto Naikai", Japan's Inland Sea, the Moooo Bar on Shiraishi Island, and cows. The bar serves Moogaritas. How cool is that?

Continuing down the rabbit hole to MP5 moos at 188,000 results, we discovered a cow named Candy who lives at the Kentish Town City Farm in Camden, London, UK. Videographer Mark Ellison notes that cows go moooo! A search for MP6 moos found us 118,000 results and some Moooooo Glue (ew!) and photographer and artist Deborah Nicholson who says Everybody Says Moooooo. MP7 moos, at 74,600 results, yielded a definition from UrbanDictionary, that moooooooing could be "used as an expression of ambiguity, meaningless contradiction or general feeling of lament" or that it could make a verb more meaningful (which we note supports our "longer is better" theory of mooing).

MP8 moos gave us about 52,100 results, but the top result was a picture of Mrs. Cow that you can print out and paint. We also found denials of the existence of Martian space cows, who clearly do exist because they're stinking up the planet with their methane. We think it may be a conspiracy of some sort and think it warrants further study. Finally, MP9 moos gave us 42,200 results. This brings us to an "awkward, strange, and wonderful" little song by Mike Sophia called "Cow." It is, as one might imagine, about cows. And getting milked. And mooing. And other such bovine things. And his song even made it into a movie!

Watch this space for additional Important Research on the Power of Mooing!


1 Bovirism is the uncontrollable urge to moo at cows when one sees them. Not to be confused with bovarism, which means conceit.